New Year's Eve

Director: Garry Marshall
Writer: Katherine Fugate
Starring:...everyone
Release Date: December 4, 2011
Length:1 hour 58 minutes

    Hollywood’s latest installment of all its actors is the tasteless, banal, and completely ridiculous romantic comedy New Year’s Eve. From the forever-beloved director of Pretty Woman, filled with every pretty star you can name, and with the plot revolving around another non-religious holiday, this is essentially a sequel to Marshall’s similar money-stealing disaster of 2010, Valentine’s Day. Aw, but it seemed like this one would be so cute.

    The center point to this plot, which is all over the place, is the handsome Josh Duhamel as Sam, traveling to The Big Apple via any way possible to meet a woman he enjoyed his last New Year’s with, who he doesn’t know the name of. Now add a few connecting subplots to that like Jessica Biel and Seth Meyers as a young expecting couple on New Year’s Eve, or Hilary Swank running the big New Year’s show at Times Square, and you have one still probably cheesy, still probably clichéd, but cute and comprehensible movie. Add about as many sub plots as you can to be the highest grossing film of the year, and you are left with the perplexing story of bringing people together on one night in New Year’s Eve.

    I almost feel like just reposting my review for Valentine’s Day because I could directly apply the same critiques for New Year’s Eve as well. There are most definitely a few storylines, characters and actors you can take a liking to within the film, but you just wish that the entire film could revolve around them and only them because you only get to witness about five minutes of each relationship. However, even though you may find something you like, most likely the one that is headed by the strongest actors, you still have to get through the rest of the absurdly crafted stories and characters.

    Screenwriter Katharine Fugate crams cliché and predictability into multiple five-minute narratives, but she makes the biggest mistake of all by trying to add dramatic sub plots into the film. One character is a dying man that wants to see the ball drop once before he dies, played by Robert De Niro, and another is a nurse (Halle Berry) that dresses up to be with her husband in Iraq via Skype. It’s bad enough to add unexpected drama into what you thought was a light film, but to cram it in into three token emotional minutes of screen time just prevents any real appreciation of it. On top of the lack of depth or thought behind the plots, there is laughable dialogue you can’t take seriously either. For instance, when Sarah Jessica Parker’s character finds her daughter escaped from her room, the most screenwriter Katharine Fugate could come up with is “I fought so hard for custody” as she storms out of the room.

    As expected, the only strong aspect of the film is the acting from the comically talented and trained members of the cast and for any of them to shine through the lack of a script is praiseworthy enough. Head writer and star of SNL, Seth Meyers and Jessica Biel bring out the most laughs and are incredibly cute. Lea Michele, who plays a back-up singer about to do her first gig at Times Square, and Ashton Kutcher, who plays a New Year’s misanthrope are also somewhat sweet when their characters are stuck in an elevator together. Zac Efron is somehow still charming in his annoying subplot of helping a middle aged woman, played by Michelle Pfeiffer, in her search to complete her new year’s resolutions before midnight. Bon Jovi as the famous musician Jensen and Katherine Heigl as his old flame, Laura, seem completely unbelievable as love interests, especially because it is hard to believe that a global rock star had a long romantic history with a caterer.

    Excluding some funny one-liners brought out almost solely by Modern Family’s Sofia Vergara as Laura’s co-worker, the script provides nothing for the cast to work with and is what makes the film so unrewarding. When you can’t even enjoy a chick flick like this as a “I know it’s cheesy, but it’s cute” guilty pleasure, than it just shows you how much thought and time went behind creating the film. Something that also signals a bad movie might be when the most enjoyable part of the movie is the credits, when the actors mess up with lines and come up with better quotes than the screenwriter does.

    As for Mr. Gary Marshall, as bad as this may sound, after Georgia Rule and Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve hits the trifecta of disappointments from him. Though I once loved The Princess Diaries and Beaches, unfortunately, now I think I’ll tend to stay away from his films when they come to theatres, as you should with New Year’s Eve.