G.I. Joe

Director: Stephen Sommers
Writers: Stuart Beattie, David Elliot, Paul Lovett
Starring: Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller, Dennis Quaid
Release Date: August 7, 2009
Length: 1 hour 58 minutes

   Sometimes seeing a ridiculous action movie can be the best pain reliever, because you’re laughing every 10 seconds – and not at the trying-to-be-funny, one-liners. Let’s just say I’m not going to sugarcoat it. G. I. Joe was supposedly meant to be an action movie, but it turned out to be one of the year’s best comedies. Their mission is to save the world, but, in order to save Paris from the bad guys, they need to kill half the city by running them over with their cars, trying to get over to the Eiffel tower – real heroic.  There were lines like “that redhead’s really starting to piss me off” that felt like the whole movie would be leading up to the delivery of that quote. And here’s the best part, the evil doctor (oh yes there is one)’s official name in the credits is ‘the doctor’ – real original name – that talks and looks like Darth Vader. This film was unintentionally hysterical. But it is truly depressing though when in this day and age, some villains still have some form of eye patch and an oxygen mask. I would have liked to think the world of filmmakers had gotten past that. But no, they haven’t. There would be lines, also that I guess were supposed to be funny, but before the actor even said the quote, you could tell that the line was coming and you were “supposed” to laugh – when no one in the audience did. Unfortunately this movie will make lots and lots of money, and not just because things blow up – ooh Fun! – But also because while everyone else is wearing what looks like 50 pounds worth of padding and protection, Sienna Miller is wearing one tight black leather bodysuit with a very plunging neckline. Oh don’t worry – her cleavage will protect her.  After everything I have written, you can’t really expect much more when the whole thing is based from toy action figures. If you’re looking for a laugh, by all means see this movie because it is highly recommended. Let’s all just pray there isn’t a sequel.